A Narcissist Speaketh

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Since my birth I have been degrading the qualities of others, refusing to acknowledge that they had any talent whatsoever, whereas I am the pinnacle of human evolution, the ultimate human being who cannot be beaten in any field. So, in short I am your friendly neighbourhood narcissist.

Now you people must be guessing what I am doing on this blog, when a writer of my calibre should be writing novels and winning Nobels and Bookers each year. Yeah, I know I will sweep all awards the day I publish my first book, but till then I am willing to give others a chance, for a while though. Coming to the point, well, I write on my Blog whenever I realise that a God cannot remain aloof from his worshippers. And then I decided to oblige and let the readers be immersed in the rays of my awesomeness.

Now, everyone here must be aching to become like me. Yeah, I know I am great and you wish to follow my each and every step, but understand, everyone is not as talented as I am. I was born great; you were not, but still if you wish to try.

Becoming a Narcissist is not a very difficult task, well not for me, I can’t say about the rest of you untalented lot. A Narcissist must understand that he is above everyone else, and then make sure that everyone else around him understands this fact and treats him like a god.

With about 24 years of experience backing me, I consider myself an authority in narcissism (every narcissist considers himself an authority on everything so it is nothing new). But I believe I have taken it to new heights, beyond anyone else’s reach.

But still if some people are interested in trying to catch up with me, here is a list of 10 points that I have written from my life experience. These, I believe, should be able to take anyone on the beautiful journey of becoming more like me:

  • There is no such thing as Shame. Shame is for the lesser humans. I have risen above such puny emotions.
  • I am perfect and I know it. If anything is going wrong, it will be the fault of anyone and everyone else. But no one can blame me because I can never make a mistake.
  • The attitude I portray is called arrogance by those who envy my awesomeness.
  • Manipulating others and making them do my bidding is like a stroll in the park.
  • I believe that if anyone can do anything then I can do it better.
  • Everyone has to comply with all my whims and do every task I assign even if my demands are beyond reason. Actually none of my demands are beyond reason; it’s just that the others are not as capable as me.
  • The other person has no rights or feelings. He/she is equivalent to a slave and exists only to serve my need. Once I have no use of his/her service, he/she then becomes an expendable commodity.
  • My opponents have no talent whatsoever. If they are able to complete or achieve something, then it must be a lucky shot.
  • I do not take responsibility of my action. I seldom tell about my future plans and do what I want to do, even if it means I have to ride over a few people to achieve my objective. Furthermore, never expect any explanations for my actions.
  • And finally, the rules I make cannot be broken by anyone. And I always have the final word and it is binding to all.

With these points I conclude this awesome essay. For those who have figured it out, I believe I have put a smile on your faces.

For those who haven’t and are disgusted with the twisted mind and selfish, panjandrum, megalomaniacal behaviour of the writer; This was written as a mixture of innuendo, caricature, nonsensism and a bit of high comedy. And yeah, also fuck you.

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Comments
15 Responses to “A Narcissist Speaketh”
  1. Prateek says:

    Oh dear. Thou shalt be the god. Bows will come seeking for you. Amen.

  2. Blogwati Gee says:

    Are you kidding me???? I thought I was the last one of the diminishing race……..now aren’t you glad you found me? ;)

  3. Purba says:

    Not a smile but an incredulous WTF!

    Thank God your greatness is not infectious. I am happy being imperfect, not so awesome and yes I haven’t given up on shame.

  4. D2 says:

    I would rather be me. But I’m sure you would then say that I’m merely not as ambitious as I should be. :P

  5. the day u publish ur first book, it’s going to be a big hit. u did put a smile on my face. way to go :)

  6. red.handed89 says:

    You might be tired of drooling and complimenting your own reflection, arent u?
    And yes..megalomaniac..is an understatement. Hehehe! Ok This made me smile.

  7. Writerzblock says:

    You’ve been tagged!

  8. Writerzblock says:

    ROFL! Esp. the very last para.

  9. hehe, your Sermon on the Mount was heard duly sire, and it’ll be spread in the four corners of the world…. ;)

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