A Narcissist Speaketh
Since my birth I have been degrading the qualities of others, refusing to acknowledge that they had any talent whatsoever, whereas I am the pinnacle of human evolution, the ultimate human being who cannot be beaten in any field. So, in short I am your friendly neighbourhood narcissist.
Now you people must be guessing what I am doing on this blog, when a writer of my calibre should be writing novels and winning Nobels and Bookers each year. Yeah, I know I will sweep all awards the day I publish my first book, but till then I am willing to give others a chance, for a while though. Coming to the point, well, I write on my Blog whenever I realise that a God cannot remain aloof from his worshippers. And then I decided to oblige and let the readers be immersed in the rays of my awesomeness.
Now, everyone here must be aching to become like me. Yeah, I know I am great and you wish to follow my each and every step, but understand, everyone is not as talented as I am. I was born great; you were not, but still if you wish to try.
Becoming a Narcissist is not a very difficult task, well not for me, I can’t say about the rest of you untalented lot. A Narcissist must understand that he is above everyone else, and then make sure that everyone else around him understands this fact and treats him like a god.
With about 24 years of experience backing me, I consider myself an authority in narcissism (every narcissist considers himself an authority on everything so it is nothing new). But I believe I have taken it to new heights, beyond anyone else’s reach.
But still if some people are interested in trying to catch up with me, here is a list of 10 points that I have written from my life experience. These, I believe, should be able to take anyone on the beautiful journey of becoming more like me:
- There is no such thing as Shame. Shame is for the lesser humans. I have risen above such puny emotions.
- I am perfect and I know it. If anything is going wrong, it will be the fault of anyone and everyone else. But no one can blame me because I can never make a mistake.
- The attitude I portray is called arrogance by those who envy my awesomeness.
- Manipulating others and making them do my bidding is like a stroll in the park.
- I believe that if anyone can do anything then I can do it better.
- Everyone has to comply with all my whims and do every task I assign even if my demands are beyond reason. Actually none of my demands are beyond reason; it’s just that the others are not as capable as me.
- The other person has no rights or feelings. He/she is equivalent to a slave and exists only to serve my need. Once I have no use of his/her service, he/she then becomes an expendable commodity.
- My opponents have no talent whatsoever. If they are able to complete or achieve something, then it must be a lucky shot.
- I do not take responsibility of my action. I seldom tell about my future plans and do what I want to do, even if it means I have to ride over a few people to achieve my objective. Furthermore, never expect any explanations for my actions.
- And finally, the rules I make cannot be broken by anyone. And I always have the final word and it is binding to all.
With these points I conclude this awesome essay. For those who have figured it out, I believe I have put a smile on your faces.
For those who haven’t and are disgusted with the twisted mind and selfish, panjandrum, megalomaniacal behaviour of the writer; This was written as a mixture of innuendo, caricature, nonsensism and a bit of high comedy. And yeah, also fuck you.