What’s New in the News?

Reading the newspapers and watching the news channels is an emotional roller coaster ride nowadays. In a span of half an hour you are bound to feel different emotions, varying from amusement to pity, anger to exasperation, and wonder to a blank feeling inside. Your eyes will roll, cry, widen, shrink, and stare blankly all in that half an hour.

Manmohan Singh has been named among the top ten leaders of the world. In his statement he gave credit to Soniaji, the Congress Workers, Soniaji, the Cabinet, Soniaji, the people of India, Soniaji, Rahul babas youth brigade and Soniaji. The speech was cut short as he had to go buy ingredients for the lasagna which a few of his ministers were preparing at the 10 Janpath. The INC will be holding elections for the new president. Everyone knows it will be a unanimous decision, so why this drama?

The commonwealth games fiasco has been going on since a long time now. After eating the funds themselves, Kalmadi and Co. and others connected are finding themselves in quite a soup. And ever since the sponsors started backing away, the soup is getting thicker. And now they have asked the Army for help and Kalmadi expects the Army to work for free. Army, it seems is the cheapest labour in the country. It happens every time. The bureaucrats, ministers and officials ruin everything and when things are out of hand, the Army is called to clean up. And still they are one of the least paid jobs, make a lot of sacrifices on the family and personal front and have to face the brickbats of everyone.

For the first time our parliament passed a unanimous decision. They increased their pay checks. It is fun isn’t it? Theoretically you are accountable to the people who have selected you, but practically you lord over everyone like you have the divine right to rule. No accountability and then you also have the right to give yourself a raise. A 300% raise. And still they are not satisfied; they wanted a 500% increase. I think if the under the table money they get is legalised and they are taxed on it, they will get a pay hike of more than 2000% and then they will have to reduce their pay accordingly.

On the other hand, nature has been playing havoc. So many have died in the past 20 days due to landslide, floods, famines and cloud bursts. We have been taking the nature for granted since a long time and have been polluting and degrading our environment. High time we started changing. It has been raining in Delhi for the past few days and the water level in Yamuna is on a rise at an extremely alarming rate. After years of pollution and illegal encroachment over her banks, it seems the river is hell-bent on reclaiming her land and her fundamental right to flow freely.

Oil spills have become the latest fashion trend. Every coast wants one. The advertisements for beaches will now talk about how you can take a refreshing dip in the sea, surf, play other water sports and oil yourself while doing it. Imagine how Ursula Andress would have looked in that famous scene from the Bond flick Dr. No, if there had been a spill then.

The mosquitoes of India have adopted cities. Malaria in Mumbai and Dengue in Delhi. But maybe I am wrong. Since according to the Thackrey’s, Malaria is caused by the people of UP and Bihar. The Health Ministry might ask the Thackrey’s to come to Delhi and research on what causes Dengue. It was reported that a sizeable population of Bangladeshi’s in Delhi have now begin to shift base after hearing this news.

And the rest, about the double talk of Pakistan, terrorist attacks, Naxals, Mayawati, Mamata Bannerjee………..every day the same thing. So my question is, What’s New in the News?

9 Responses to “What’s New in the News?”
  1. delhizen says:

    Patty…. you are getting better by the day with this new style of writing!!
    how bout starting a third blog on ‘ News everyday with Prateek Varma’

    • Prateek says:

      Thank You for the appreciation and the good words. Regarding another blog dedicated to this style, I think such an article is enough once a week, like an analysis of the weekly news (a second post of the week for a day when something really breaking happened and deserved a post then and there). If done regularly it might not be appreciated.

  2. What’s New in the daily News is only the type of Scam or Fraud.
    If suppose politics,we have telecom scamf or some days, we have CWG scam for some more days and so on and don’t worry we get New New scams regularly. Damn..!

    Really By reading news or watching news, every day I used to feel all the emotions you mentioned.

    Well written post Patty. I like this post a lot.

  3. Sapna says:

    Very well written Patty!!! You seem to be getting better by the day!

  4. Amity says:

    this one is good. really.

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