Why The Earth Shakes….And Other Naked Truths

Jennifer McCreight, founder of Boobquake, part...

Image via Wikipedia

Since long man has been interested in the workings of nature. Why….The one word on which much of our science and scientific knowledge is based. Why do the stars shine? Why did the apple fall on my head….(It still baffles me that they never noticed Bird Poop in the hair).

As the brain developed, so did the power to question and analyze. We tried to find the hidden truth behind everything, like, while writing the previous sentence, I wondered why the word “Analyze” begins with Anal. Think about it, the exit point of excreta has a lot to do with thinking. Didn’t Archimedes shout Eureka while in the Bathroom. And try racking your brain while constipated. You would get as many ideas as the number of wickets our dear old Appam got in this World Cup.

But I digress. Now, our quest to learn about nature. Why does the wind blow? Why does the Volcano Erupt?…….

……..Why The Earth Shakes?

Since time immemorial different civilizations have tried to answer this question. Some ancient Africans believed that earth was the head of a giant and whenever he sneezed or moved, we felt the tremors. The tribes of New Zealand thought that Mother Earth was pregnant with the God Ru inside her womb, and it was just him stretching his limbs. The Greek thought that a large number of wild animals were trapped somewhere underground, and whenever they ran around trying to find an escape route, the houses on the surface collapsed. Different people and different explanations. Some even said, that it was due to the dance movements of Punjabis doing Bhangra. You see, when they jerk their shoulders in unison, to the dhol beats, waves are produced. These combine with other waves and by superimposition become stronger. These strong waves crash in to the ground, shaking it vigorously.

Then came the so called scientists. They researched, analyzed the facts and concluded it is due to the movement of tectonic plates. And this view was accepted and taught for a long time.

Until, the world was enlightened by the wise, the honoured Kazem Siddique (Sarcasm intended). He who should be given the next ten Noble Prizes. The wise one, he laid down a theory last year, that the earth shook because the women dressed immodestly. A sound theory if you look into it. I mean, we can even explain the why of the dinosaurs extinction. They roamed about nude didn’t they. And now look how and where they are found….As pieces of bones embedded in rocks.

Poonam Pandey: To Strip or Not To Strip…that is the question.

But the infidels, the non believers are always there. It was Ms McCreight….curse of the silicon on her...who challenged the wise one by trying to stir things up, by starting a movement called “Boobquake”. Since it failed to produce an earthquake, she ridiculed the wise ones findings. But everyone knows, that they were not dressed immodestly enough. I mean, just look at her photo. There is only a slight glimpse of cleavage. I am sure Canada will face the trembling wrath of the earth soon, and they can thank the “Slut Walk” for that. (Sarcasm still intended)

Anyway, that the theory was true, can be attuned to the fact that North India just received a jolt a couple days back. Though the cause is not known, but everything points at a certain Miss Pandey. The wannabe stripper. The gods shook at the mere thought of her, opening herself for the world to view. Though the earthquake, did go unnoticed by many, the Stripping Pandey, created many a ripples.

The guardians of our moral society were after her life. Some were utterly disgusted and took abode in the Himalayas. Some, joined the moral police and lodged FIRs against her. Some like me wondered what all she might be willing to do, and helped trend her on Twitter. Almost every male googled her images (Googled it not Yahooed or Binged), and after looking at the first few and trying to imagine her gyrating in her birthday suit, most decided to watch porn instead.

Yes, Yes..that is the Slut Walk

Anyway, coming back to the question of Earthquakes. Since, the Poonam Pandey incidence has proven that the Earth shakes when excited by the bodily charms of a scantily clad woman. But, then you may say, if that is the case, why are the Khajuraho Temples still standing after so many years. Why didn’t the Earth shake it into a heap of rubble. Well the answer is clear. You don’t bash your computer after buffering a porn video, do you. Another question arises about Tsunamis. Research is still on but I guess it has something to do with orgasms after the boobquake. I am not sure, so cannot comment much on it.

Sarah White: Tell me your dreams

But you need not worry. To ensure that India remains safe from any future earthquakes, the Gujjar Panchayat has banned the females of the clan from wearing jeans and using mobiles. Prevention is better than cure they say. I remember a friend who was a Gujjar, describing his clans as cow herders. Well, personally I believe that after herding bovine since such a long time, their brain has become synchronized with that of a bull.

But then what can I say. They realize this too and have been sitting on tracks, demanding that they be included as a backward class.

Coming to some other factual findings, a therapist, by the name of Sarah White, claimed that stripping helped her loosen up her patients, and allowed her to penetrate through there defences and into their secrets. Did I hear Anna Chapman say yes with enthusiasm? Many of Khushwant Singh‘s joke books claim that man has two vital organ, one in the head and the other between the legs, and he has enough blood to work one at a time. Do I see Commodore Sukhjinder Singh, shake his head slowly in approval?

Honeytrapped Commodore Sukhjinder Singh

Well Ms Sarah White, what you have proven is nothing new and NO! you cannot patent this technique. I mean, a guy would bloody well plead guilty of murdering Julies Ceaser, if he had a pair of breasts hanging a foot from his face. And that too when he least expects it. Miss White claims that, “seeing a naked lady helps a man focus and look deep into himself”. Well, yes, he does focus, but in no way is he looking deep into himself. If he is, then something is wrong. But the good thing about this is that most porn-stars now know, what other profession they can get into once they are forced into retirement after contracting a venereal disease.

Anyway, as I said, stripping does help men get focused. And the thought of a strip show was enough to motivate our team to win the world cup. We know now, the secret behind China’s rise in the Olympics medal tally. Ha!

Joanne Sally: Hello Students, today we learn anatomy

But, incidentally, all did not end well for Joanne Salley, an Arts Teacher at the prestigious Harrow School. Her topless photos were stolen and circulated amongst the students. She was the focus of many schoolboy crushes there, but now the concentration level of students on books, had gone below zero. The poor teacher has quit and said that she would never be able to teach again.

And finally, I end this rather dirty post with a tweet I had tweeted a few days ago (Which also happens to be my most retweeted tweet: Twice to be precise): “The people calling Poonam Pandey unethical and lewd will be the first ones to go google her pics and put them on the bathroom wall.”

For more such tweets you can follow me @snowleapord (This is called unashamed self marketing)

Image Courtesy: Google Search

12 Responses to “Why The Earth Shakes….And Other Naked Truths”
  1. Magali says:

    This was a fun post. Especially about the dino extinction part.
    It’s almost 4AM, I’m chuckling & mom asks me if I’ve gone crazy!

  2. Purbaray says:

    Here’s my business idea for you – start a clothing range for animals who roam around nude. You can call your range – Save the Planet!

    Did you write this post in one of those moments that you have described so well in Para 2?

  3. Kartikay says:

    Haw jee ka paww jeee .. tch tch tch .. beta .. aise chees nahi likhte. Aur aise gande gand photographs nahi lagate. Beta, ye mat karo!

    Aur next time, isko plase NSFW label karna. Please.

  4. pzes says:

    I was in office when I started reading this post. Halfway through… :O :O I had to postpone my reading.

    Funny post… But really.. *phaaachaaak* … (thats me beating you up)

  5. Zephyr says:

    what pontification, O wise one! Methinks you are in line for one of those Nobel Prizes for new theories of evolution and extinction.

  6. Deboshree says:

    Eew what pictures have you chosen to go along. I am lucky I didn’t have anyone staring from behind my shoulder. 😛 But seriously, ver-r-y interesting theory. Way to go! 😛

    • snowleopard says:

      Haha…….. yeah, I knew many would have that surprise/horrified reaction 😛
      And thanks for supporting the theory. I will mention you in the thank you speech at the Nobel prize ceremony.

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