Hunger for White


Punjabi Tandoori chicken is a popular dish in ...

Image via Wikipedia

 

Statutory Warning: On re-reading it I found that this post didn’t make much sense to me. So read, keeping that in mind.

 

And no I am not talking about the crazy obsession Indians have for the white skin. Which apparently has been intensified by the various skin creams, that have sprung up like mushrooms on the grounds of a tropical rain forest. I mean, can you imagine the latest add by the ‘Fair and Lovely’ people. Two girls checking, who has become fairer after using the cream for a week. The lighter – read has excess pink foundation on her face – just learnt the word from a good friend....so the lighter of the two then tells the poorer friend – who it seems can not afford coloured powder to apply on her face... to either start using the cream regularly or wait for next Holi and pray that baby pink shade becomes a rage for the gulal colour. Anyway to cut a long story short….the other girl too loses her melanin and suddenly lands a plump contract for a movie or becomes a singing superstar. And slight difference for the Men’s range of fairness creams, because apparently the lady’s cream cannot work on the gent’s thick skin and requires some extra stuff like some Americo something or whatever – stun them with science, thatโ€™s the motto.

But anyway, I was not going to talk about the skin creams. I think I did mention that in the very beginning. Now you must be thinking...What the fuck was the last para about? That my dear readers, was me telling you what I will not be writing about. But I still wrote about it. So in short I wrote about what I didn’t want to write about, but still I did write about it to tell you what I will not write about, so that you will get an idea of what I will not but will be still be confused on what I will write about. And before you ask, ‘No! I am not high on dope’

Coming to the point of what I have to write. Chicken and Paneer. The two perpetual white items on the menu of any Punjabi Party and a Punjabi Dhaba. One a white meat and the other is just white. Though I am a Punju myself, the strange fetish for the two white stuff even baffles me. Chicken is the state bird of Punjab and to some extenct Delhi. If Punjab was a country, the National Bird, Animal, Food, Emblem, everything would have been a ‘Tandoori Chicken’.

And I am sure I saw a certain Bong Blogger Aunty cringe at the mention of Paneer. Recently, I happened to dine at a Pure Vaishno Punjabi Dhaba. I usually do stay away from pure Vaishno places but sometimes you can’t help it. It was well built, had an ok ambience. Then we were given the menu card. I read it, re read it and then re re read it. WTF!!! The menu started with Paneer, ended with Paneer and there was Paneer in between. They had Paneer in mutter, in tomato, in aloo, and in paneer itself. Paneer in Paneer could be Shahi, Lababdar, Karahi, Tawa…blah blah. I mean, haven’t they heard of ‘Lactose Intolerance’ And then, the waiter had the cheek to come and ask, whether we have decided on what we will have. Yeah! Right! As if we were given a choice.

But a pure Punjabi, and I mean who thinks like one too. As a military family we are now what you may call Pan-Indian. And can not be tagged to any particular state (my misadventures because of this will take another post). So, a pure Punjabi, would be in heavan at a place like the one I mentioned above. At any Punju party, three things are required to make it a success – Chicken, Paneer and Whiskey – make it four and add Bhangra to the list. But then, it reminded me of a joke by a certain Mr. Bhagwant Mann that, an hour into the party, everyone is so drunk on the Patiala Pegs that they keep dancing to the sound of the generator.

Parties, yes. A Party here is a nightmare for Chickens. Literally yes. And the host may bust his ass in trying to arrange the choicest Caviar, the most tender Foie Gras, or the exclusive Bird’s Nest. The conversation will always be something like this :

I am searching for chicken. Did you see it?

Yeah it is there at that counter?

Hows the Paneer Tikka?

Its good, but I liked the Paneer Pakoda…..

Whereas the other dishes just stand there. Waiting to be slurped up later, by hungry dogs who had been shooed away 5 times during the last 30 odd minutes.

If somehow, the host makes a mistake of not keeping these two dishes:

Where is the Chicken?

No, haven’t seen it.

There is no Paneer either.

What sort of a sick person would throw such a party?

This is a major fail. The sadist bastard.

Let us go outside, sit in the car and drown our sorrows with a couple bottles of Whiskey.

That’s a plan man

And then…the gathering mysteriously starts thinning, till there remain none. A few hours later, you are rudely awoken by the doorbell and a simultaneous banging on the door.

Did you organise the party nearby? Its a big burly policeman and a few behind him.

Yes

You will have to come with us.

Why officer. Something wrong?

Half your guests are lying face down on the road drunk. Half of the remaining comparably sober ones have laid siege on a poultry farm and the remaining have put a cow inside a cement mixture along with lots of lemon.

Why in the cement mixture?

They say, she will give Paneer in the morning.

 

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Comments
9 Responses to “Hunger for White”
  1. Pzes says:

    Chicken FTW!!! Yaaay!!

  2. dubugu says:

    put a cow inside a cement mixture along with lots of lemon.. to give paneer. liked it. I would rather like to insinuate the four letter words (f*** kind) rather than a direct mention. I believe it adds more spice and also eliminates profanity. However this is just my personal thought..

  3. Kartikay says:

    Your posts are progressively becoming more and more adult-ish. Ahem. What happened to the small little cub?

    Nicely written, but I just hope that no one starts a vegetarian vs. non-vegetarian debate! Oh. My. Gawd.

    • snowleopard says:

      Oh! Are they. And dude, impressive. I myself could not make head and tails out of what I had written ๐Ÿ˜›
      Errr….you don’t want a debate, or is that a nudge to others to start the debate?

  4. Purbaray says:

    The Vaishno Dhaba did this to you – didn’t it? Scarred you for life. And that image of tandoori chicken is gory, too red for comfort.

    Trying to imagine a bunch of inebriated Punjabis doing bangra to the sounds of the generator. Wah bhai wah!

    • snowleopard says:

      Yes…maybe…..Too much cottage cheese is bad for health. Please note that.
      Too much red, says the vermilion throwing at Durga Puja, Bong….irony, irony. ๐Ÿ˜›

      And and and….some generators have good beats.

  5. delhizen says:

    And that was the ugliest pic of the yummiest chicken tandoori… couldn’t you have taken a pic yourself??

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