An Open Rant

Fair, Tall, Hairy, Aggressive, Ready to Fight, Showing Dole-Shole -------- Must be those stupid Punjabi's, especially from Delhi

I am made to believe that Open Letters are the flavour of the month…or to be more precise the week. The online community has a rather short memory and there are chances that the Open Letter fascination will be thrown into some corner and forgotten about in the next 2 days or so. In the mean time, I have decided to get my own 15 minutes of fame(and some traffic on the blog), by writing my own letter in the open.

The recent barrage of Open Letters has left me dumbfounded and with many questions in the head. Is Gandhi weeping? Is Churchill doing a Victory lap around the weeping Gandhi? Are there really 72 virgins waiting in heaven? Will The Flying Spaghetti Monster save me and take me to heaven, where the beer is unlimited and strippers charge no money? Why am I writing this post at 3 AM after drinking a copious amount of Vodka and smoking 9 Rothmans?

Anyway, we have seen open letters before. They are basically letters, that are errrr…open for anyone to read. We see the likes of Yeddy, challenging the opposition to an oath taking duel in a temple, like some 70s Hindi flick. To the latest trend where everyone seems to be writing an Open Letter for whatever reason.

First Shahana, a self described “Madrasan” wrote a “passionate” open letter to all Punjabi’s and Delhi-ites. And since then we have had Open Letters, dissing Delhi-tes, Punjus, Bongs, Tamils and Mallus. Personally, I feel it is rather unfair on the men of other regions. There is Gujarat, Orrisa, Maharashtra, the seven sister states, Bihar to name a few. So, ladies, who is willing to write an Open Letter to them? Please type “Aye” in the comments section, with the name of your preferred community (we don’t want one region getting all the attention).

And also, Men came out in huge numbers against the latest online diatribe against them. ……………..

........And they ended up demanding more Booze

This has become a rage now. It is the in-thing and makes you look cool. But then the question remains why and how and why. There are different theories doing the rounds about this new addiction that people have. It Is A new Drug?

A rather odd theory but there might be college junkies getting high on open letter:

‘Dude, I just did this Open letter thing and it gives you quite a hit”

“No fucking way, dude”

“Seriously man. I just generated 500+ hits in less then an hour and it is growing”

“Fucking awesome man” and then the second junkie goes on to get his own dose of the OL

But seriously, I say let us vent out all the pent up frustration. Its not as if we are racists or anything. It is just a light banter between fellow compatriots. Moreover, the constitution allows me the freedom of speech and expression of opinion. And a blog is my personal space where I can write anything and ……. screw you, rational people. And who gives a damn about the mild mannered person? It is the MC-BCs who grab eyeballs and eardrums.

And it is 3 Am and I am still high and writing……….plus there are two smalls of Vodka left. Jab tak Vodka chalegi, tab tak main likhunga….

And Lingerie line for the North Indian Male has been launched

So, yeah, where was I? Yes….Bhenc**d…..see, Quod erat demonstrandum. I got everyone’s attention. Its either that or mentioning one of the few specific parts of the female anatomy. And if I had followed it up with a racist comment on a Bong, a Gujju and a Madrasi (Please note here that my Punju Delhi upbringing will not allow me to distinguish between a Tamil, Mallu, Kannad or Telegu. That is how we were evolved), and maybe throw in a couple Chinkies too for good measure, I would be trending on twitter even before you reach this point here on this article ——————————————–> This Point Here

Whatever, we may say we are a sucker for attention. And writing such things helps get it and also generates traffic on the blog. Personally, I blame the Indian Cricket team for this fiasco the most. The World Cup win had united everyone and for the first time, all of India was celebrating as one. But an ass whooping by the English and we are back to square one (that is the square that we were at when the English first landed on the Indian shores). Nasser Hussain may have called a few fielders donkeys, but we are completely self sufficient in making an ass of ourselves. And the OLs further strengthen this argument. I blame Rakhi Sawant for showing the world the power of cheap publicity. But I do hope the Paris Hilton type video publicity virus will hit our celebrities soon. I blame Arnab Goswami because he must be blamed for everything. And I blame Balbir Pasha for not taking proper protection. You can combine the previous two lines to create a sentence if you wish to, and satisfy that sexual innuendo demon inside you, itching to get out. And finally, I blame my 7th grade teacher because I needed one more person to blame.

Or as the Madrasi's call it: Home away from Home

These OLs are intellectual mud-slinging at it’s best. Science and especially the field of genetics says that we have evolved from Apes and share a lot of the DNA structure. That explains the poop throwing which we indulge in now and then. Kind of similar to what our Chimpanzee brethren do when angry.

Anywise, to cut a long post short, I do wish Miss Madrasan and Govind Tiwary hook up and enter into holy matrimony. I don’t know about other things, but there kids will have the super power of trending on Twitter.

And here endeth the scope of my rant and ramblings. I am a Delhi Punju and not expected to have enough intellect to write a complete post or one that makes proper sense. Plus, there is no Vodka left and I am beginning to feel sober again. So, Screw You Guys, I am Going Home….in my SUV. Be jealous, bitch, be very jealous.

P.S. It seems Delhi Boy has many saviours. People from all over the country are writing for the Delhi Punjabi Boy. Here are a few: The Disgruntled Mob The Mad Momma and the 1000 odd comments on the original post

25 Responses to “An Open Rant”
  1. Alka says:

    The argumentative Indian loves a slanging match….

  2. The Cartman-esque end was the cherry on top. Nice Rant SL.

  3. Purbaray says:

    We are all closet Racists…Americans are fat and dumb…Sindhis are shrewd…Bengalis are snobs…We love stereotyping people because it’s convenient for us. And that girl countered regional bias with an even more biased, vitriolic attack and we all fell for it.

  4. Enchanta says:

    Aah, this would be my favourite one of all !! 😛

  5. Mayank says:

    Kake tussi chha gaye. Here praying ur next girl is a madrassi so that u can find answers for urself and her. The parting note was killer!! 🙂 BTW madrassis don’t dig vodka do they..No? Yep rite its nariyal panni, I remember. Let the diatribe continue!!!

  6. Ammy says:

    Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Super hilarious! U’ve penned down ur feelings perfectly

  7. Pzes says:

    Ah well. She was ranting. I’m just going to take all these open letters with a pinch of salt. Besides, everybody owns the right to ranting on their own blogs! 🙂

  8. Samadrita says:

    Hey you missed out on Scarlett Johansson’s recently “disclosed assets” in this rant of yours. And please get drunk and write more blogposts so I can read and ROFL.

  9. Writerzblock says:

    ROFL! Absolutely ROFL! Shared on FB, Twitter and anywhere that I have a free account 😉 Three cheers to your fifteen minutes (or more) of fame 🙂

  10. D2 says:

    And now that you have decided to write this, I would need some beer to gulp it down. It was like pizza (which is good). And didn’t you mean Govind Tiwary?
    Awesome post, man. Get drunk again soon.
    And seriously, you should get a Southie girl. Maybe she would try pulling your tongue through your ass in your SUV. My, that would be a sight! haha
    And you should definitely learn if they know how to Texas Chainsaw Massacre people. 😀

    • snowleopard says:

      Yes, that was a mistake. I always get confused between Goving Tiwari and Poonam Pandey.
      I am planning to stay perpetually drunk. Thanks for the good words.
      Errrrr……no, I won’t comment on the later half of your comment.

  11. Oh all the while I was reading her post, I was wondering did she grant the non punjabi states of North India to china and Pak? And what was that thing that I had heard where a few men down south beat up women in pubs?
    But then, I thought that I was against it all, and I’d rather not write anything on it and give her free publicity.
    Yesterday there were 853 comments, today there are 1700+.

    Damn good!

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  12. josh says:

    whhhoa Delhi Boy . Loved it . Waah kya blog hai woh bhi Angrezi mein . KAb seekhi bete English and all ?Jjab Daday di psoting MAdras mein theee ? Soweee but madrasan has my northindian fangs out and I wont ever dig them into my Southie Hubby or southie friends , unlike MS S they are way too sweet and nice and wonderful and very decent and all that you know . Gosh the mens bra and panty set was brilliant . Would someone courier it to that babe . She ha s filthy vulgar mind and would put it to good use.

  13. uspandey says:

    I dozed a few f**kin’ times before I found myself bobbing at the close which, strangely jolted me awake! Its good, that end thing.

    ps: I hate when I have to login to post a friggin comment.

  14. josh says:

    Genius 101 percent genius , Delhi Boy ! Jeez what a fitting reply to Madrasan aka Ms KuttyBheja( that K can me interpreted as a cus word or extremely small sized , both fit purrfectly, so having a hard time choosing one interpretation !) She should write under her other name Shana Ji Kutty . Govind Tiwari.and the babe .. what an idea Sir Ji… The progeny with GT can be named Kutty Shag or Kutty Shati in keeping with her country folks practice of naming their offspring by zimbly combining “mom-dad “names ade a Ji and kutty thus to guarantee that the name sounds like a sexual innuendo / curse word / or complete moron like sussi kutty .. all this only because she is now going on about how even their names are better than North Indian names . I did not think anything could get bigger than their zimbly silk Smitha Thunder thighs , but clearly her ego is way more extensive than even the diameter of their hips and thighs .. boggles the mind , bu it is !

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