How To Make Scrambled Eggs


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Written for CG. Click here for original: Here

Eggs are a cheap and easy way to kill those hunger pangs, along with being a damn good source of high quality proteins and essential fatty acids and some other things.

The basic definition of scrambled eggs is that they are eggs that have been…errr…scrambled. A delicious dish when prepared by hands well versed in the craft of kitchen-o-graphy, but usually an easy to make and surprisingly palatable concoction by a novice. Yes, your eyes deceive you not. It is an easy enough dish for the first timer to make, though a mastery of the stove does bestow on you the ability to render those subtle nuances that make the dish drool worthy. But now, a college student or a PG dweller or a home aloner, would rather have a dish on his/her plate that is edible enough, rather than worry about winning kitchen glory.

And keeping this in mind, I present to you my guide for making this simple, easy and quick to make, good to eat, hunger killer:

The Raw Materials: The eggs are the basic requirements for this particular dish. An egg by definition is the organic vessel in which the embryo first begins to develop. But let us do the part about biology some other time. The eggs which we need are the ones laid by the oviparous category of the animal kingdom…in particular, the avians (but if you prefer reptilian or anthropodal or alien eggs, then you are most welcome to add those).

The eggs will most likely be found in the fridge or the kitchen. If not try checking the nest of that damn pigeon who always poops on you the moment you step out. If that is a bit difficult then you can try rummaging you room-mates messy curly hair.

And make sure you have at least 10 eggs. Along with them, you will need, bread, cream and butter, salt and pepper to taste. And Vodka.

The Equipments: A gas stove. Check if it is connected to gas and that it works. A pan to make the eggs in. A wooden spoon. A small bowl and a fork to beat the eggs. Use hands if fork is unavailable. A toaster.

The Preparation: Break the eggs. Good. Now do that again but lightly and not by throwing them on the floor. Yes, just a light tap to crack them. Godammit, a light tap I said. Well anyway, we have a few eggs left so that should allow for some practice. Leave the pieces of egg shells inside the bowl as it gives the dish a crunchy flavour. Add salt and pepper to taste. Beat the eggs with the fork till you have a roughly smooth mixture.

Preheating: Take a couple slices of bread and put them in the toaster. In the meanwhile, while the bread is being toasted, add some butter to the pan and put on the stove. Turn the stove on and light it..just make sure you don’t burn your fa….never-mind.

Now by the time the toasts are being done and the pan is being preheated, you have a minute to tweet about your kitchen escapades.

Cooking The Eggs: The pan should be at the right temperature by now. Add the eggs and start stirring it with the wooden spoon. Make sure the eggs don’t join together to form a rather gruesome looking omelette. Ensure that you keep shifting them on and off from the flame, since eggs cook very fast and you have to add the cream at the precise moment. You smell that? Something is burning. Oops…that would be the toasts. Throw them away and place two fresh pieces of bread in the toaster. And now run towards that egg. Careful! there is spilt egg over…………..there.

On Flames: By this time, the kitchen must be looking like the scene from a slapstick comedy flick. The eggs are too dry now…add a bit of water to soften

them. Now add the cream. Trip a few more times on the egg spill and make sure that one of the falls results in some slicing of the gas pipe or something. Congratulations, you have set your house on fire.

The Vodka: Remember the vodka which was mentioned before. Sit calmly in front of
your burning house, taking a few sips now and then as you wait for the Pizza which you have just ordered. Because having a drink besides the fire is bliss and particularly if it is your own fireplace.

A Perfect Evening!!!!

10 Responses to “How To Make Scrambled Eggs”
  1. psycho lady says:

    Wonderful. I’ll try this twist in cooking uhmm eggs the next time!

  2. Rajlakshmi says:

    ROFL …. what a way to make a fireplace 😛 ohhh you were talking about scrambled eggs 😛 😛 ROFL hillarious post.

  3. Pzes says:

    🙂 Yes.. I’m never making them scrambled again!

  4. Zephyr says:

    How ingenious and interesting! Loved the vodka bit and the wait for the pizza. Never lose your cool in such small emergencies, eh? 🙂

  5. Purbaray says:

    HA! masterchef at his best! Loved the way you ended it. FYI I prefer milk rather than cream. So when are you inviting me?

  6. PeeVee says:

    😀 I’m sure this was inspired by true events… Is your house still intact?:P

  7. Sapna says:

    lol now I know how you became a masterchef!

  8. shubhamc21 says:

    Amazingly hilarious!!!! Specially the part “Careful! there is spilt egg over…………..there.” wow.. can’t stop laughing.. 😀

  9. Deboshree says:

    What innovative eggs! 😛

Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] My only attempts at writing about food have been a post on Tea and one where I talked about making Scrambled Eggs and ended up with a burnt house and whole lot of slapstick mishaps. And neither, I am a specialist […]

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