Mamata Di-feats the Red Sea
After blackening Red in West Bengal, with a wave of Green poriborton, Mamata Banerjee took on the Red Sea itself. The Chief Minister of Bengal first demanded a rollback saying that the Sea was anti Trinamool Congress. And dictated that the people of West Bengal should neither cruise over it nor should they swim in the said sea when on a holiday in the Gulf region. Declaring it to be a conspiracy against her, Derek O’Brien said, “The CPM is responsible for it. The Red Sea is in the Middle East where most of the Mallus are. And everyone knows that Mallus are staunch Red supporters.”
But later, in a rather different twist, a war was declared on the Sea. The kind of which has never been seen, since Caligula first invaded
the realm of Poseidon to declare his supremacy. When her guards failed to arrest the Sea for allegedly mocking the Chief Minister of Bengal, Ms. Banerjee led a contingent of Kolkata Police, with Mukul Roy acting as her second in command. Derek O’Brien was placed in charge of the defence.
To be fair to Ms Banerjee, it was the Red Sea who made the first move with a high tide that forced the attacking army to retreat towards the hostile Mallu territory. But Derek O’Brien along with his legion of Praetorian Guards, proved their worth again, as they created a strong defense around their caeser.
As the Sea began to retreat, Mamata Di launched a two-sided offensive. She blocked the flow of water from the Arabian Sea, just by saying “No” and taking a stance opposing the flow of water. The Arabian Sea bowed down to her wishes, as Ms Banerjee threatened to withdraw support. Thus creating a partition between the two seas, and therefore showcasing her powers to be at par with Moses. Earlier, she had begun the preparations for war by sacrificing Dinesh Trivedi to the Ancient Gods of the Railway Budget. Pleased, with the sacrifice, the Gods had granted her the train-astra, which she then gave to Mukul Roy.
The train-astra was used succesfully by Mukul Roy to block the Suez Canal as his force attacked from the other side. Two trains were made to derail on a track that was contructed overnight. The metal girders floated on water, after the word “Didi” was written on each and every piece. As the two trains derailed, it caused a delay in the train timings, which led to a block of massive proportions.
With the Red Sea cut off from two sides, it had nowhere to manœuvre but towards the shores. Ms Banerjee, marshalled her troops into a Tortoise formation. Ordering them to march forward, in 5 columns, without breaking ranks. This historic formation is best known for being used by the Roman Legions of Compendium, Laudanum, Totorum and Aquarium, for attacking the village of the indomitable Gauls. The infantry was provided ample support by the Maoist archers, who ambushed the sea at various places, causing a considerable amount of damage.
The defense was maintained by Derek O’Brien whose troops created a wall of fiction. They kept the enemy confused with a load of bullshit, preventing any counter attack by the Sea. As the flow of fresh water into the Sea stopped, the complete area was Green carpet bombed.
The anti-war hippies kept the twitter trend going till late in the night. But by the end of the day, quite a few were arrested and put in “Poriborton camps”. But it was an epic victory for Ms Banerjee. The only casualty from her side being the face of UPA 2, which got a serious beating. After the Red Sea had been turned Green, by the carpet bombing, Mamata Di congratulated her victorious troops and declared her victory in the following words “Vini! Vidi! Poriborton!”