The Greatest Indian

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The person in the picture above is Pocahonta’s dad. I added him so that the Non Resident Indians won’t feel bad. Non Resident “Indian”…Got it? Huh? Huh?

Anyway…..Who is the Greatest Indian post Independence? The question has been haunting the country, ever since the History Channel asked it a few weeks ago. A list was created by their jury, and they asked the viewers to vote for one. Now, I don’t have any problem with it, except for the fact that the 1 hour episode where they showed all the nominations, was boring as hell. But I don’t think the jury members have been fair in deciding who all should be nominated. So therefore, I have this list of people, who I think should be nominated for the prize of the greatest Indian :-

Kanti Shah – Because he is India’s answer to Ed Woods. Because he knows he is making crap but still continues. Because Gunda has now aquired a cult status, with a massive fan following in any Boy’s hostel. Because people still swear by the immortal dialogues of Gunda, that includes gems like “Bulla…Main rakhta hun khulla”. Why the dialogues were written by Dr. Suess’s evil twin? No one knows.

Thesis have been written on his movie-making style. But still, people have not understood how, a man stabbed with a sword, is able to walk from an airport, through a mining area, a truck depot, and reach a commercial port; finally dying after delivering the message to his boss. He is the original low budget film maker, who could create a movie with a camera, an air field as location, a few rape scenes, auto-rickshaws and Mithun.

Poonam Pandey – Because her moves define the future of cricket in India. Because her promise to strip, gave our team the boost to win the world cup. It is another matter that after seeing her bikini photos, they kept losing for a year.

One of them is Poonam Pandey. And your guess is as good as mine

Not everyone can claim to be famous for doing nothing. Paris Hilton had to get a sex tape leaked before most people came to know about her existence. Poonam Pandey just threatened to prance around in her birthday suite, and that caught the attention of the whole nation. She may have used Cricket as a launch pad. But with her “Bold” photo shoots and videos, she has shown that a eunuch can be comfortable and confident with her body.

Also most downloaded model on the net and all that shit.

Chetan Bhagat – Because he lowered the standards so much that now even a Kindergartner can claim to have read a novel. Because each time something happens, he must give an opinion on it. Till a few years ago, the Indian literature scene was parched, then Chetan Bhagat came and layered it with salt. Love him or hate him, you can’t ignore him. Because he won’t let you. He is to Indian Literature what Mallika Sherawat is to Cannes.

Mamata Banerjee – Because she is John Galt incarnate. Because she can stop the motor of India whenver she wants. Because she has the unique ability to sniff out a would be Maoist. People may crib today, but this will help a lot 10 years into the future when the Maoists won’t be able to get new recruits. Because apparently, under her leadership, the Kolkata Knight Riders won the IPL this year. How? Beats Me. They say that saying “No” is the toughest, and Mamata Di can say that word with her mouth gagged. Because she can speak both Bangla and English in Bangla. Because only she can understand Pranab Mukherjee’s English.

Deepika Padukone – Because she single handedly bought a business-house down. Because when the youngsters of the country were becoming addicted to caffeine, her “Deepika Shake” ensured they would never be able to drink coffee again. It is because of this selfless act that Tea is again gaining popularity amongst youngsters and was named the National Drink.

T Rajendar – Because he is Kanti Shah version 5.0. Because he produces his movies, directs them, does multiple roles in every movie, choreographs the dance moves, writes the story and screenplay, gives the music…..and is the only person to watch them too. And to top it all he is also a politician. Because he can speak with confidence even if he knows shit about the subject being discussed. Because…..just watch this video.

Durujoy Dutta – Because he can write mush like a 10 year old girl and still sell. Because he is India’s answer to the Toi….I mean Twilight series. Because he is the reason why you should suppport the Khap Panchayats. Because while Chetan Bhagat only put a layer of salt, Durujoy actually rubbed it in. Because he has managed to create a legion of wannabe mushy writers.

KRK – Because he is North India’s answer to T Rajendar. Because he is the reason Orkutiyas are joining Twitter. Because he is the serial kisser of twitter. Because your twitter account has no meaning if you have not been blocked by him.

The face that launched a thousand nightmares

Arindam Chowdhari – Because he made MBA colleges in the air. Because like Samson, his ponytail is the source of his superpowers. Because he sells books by making them a compulsory read for all IIPM students. Because his ponytail is actually a portal that connects him to his home planet. Because when he speaks the sale of cotton buds increases. Because his ponytail can stop a tsunami. Because he will sue me if he reads this article.

Diggy, Sibal, Tiwary trio – Because I will be sent to jail if I write anything. Because I am still going to risk it. Because I love Rahul Gandhi. Really I do. Rahul Gandhi Ji is the best and should be made PM and supreme ruler of India. Because Congress is not family controlled party. Because Rahul Gandhi should be crowned the Emperor of India. Because RSS should be banned. Because…PLEASE DON”T BAN THIS SITE!!!!

Written for Campusghanta. Please click on this link to read the list – And the Greatest Indian award goes to..

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Comments
6 Responses to “The Greatest Indian”
  1. Kartikay says:

    Oh no you pulled in Poonam Pandey. Ugh.

  2. purbaray says:

    Beware, the eunuchs community might sue you for defamation.

    So, if I make everyone who you lampooned, read this masterpiece, will they make sure you spend the rest of your life behind bars?

    Let me plug it on Twitter and wait for the consequences!

  3. Rituparna says:

    The ponytail has already sensed your misdeed.

  4. whaat? no mahesh bhatt?!

  5. Soham says:

    This is good stuff…Sarcasm to the core..Somethng I m so damn fond of :)

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