Twitter Highlights of 2012

If 2011 was the year of the Protesters, 2012 was ruled by the Mayans. But still, 2012 was an interesting year despite the fact that there was a sword of doomsday hanging over our heads. I know I am a bit late, but now I can blame other things besides my lethargy. Yes, I joined a B-school and re-entered college life. And I also celebrated my 25th birthday. This means that, I am legally allowed to order drinks at a bar all over the country (except Gujarat where the age limit is 150 years). And therefore I am no longer a cub (I hope a certain few people are reading this post).

As I said it was an interesting year. It was a year that began with protests and ended in protests. I met new people and lost a few. In this journey of life you meet many; some stay with you, some leave and a few others though remain for a very short time, leave a big impact. Arrgh…I am being too philosophical now *Note to self: Stop drinking so much*

But on a more comical note, 2012 was a year that made Social Networking fun and especially Twitter. We cribbed and outraged about everything and anything under the sun. I will not talk about the heinous crime that occurred at the end of the year, since I have already written a post on it (Click Here). But here, in no particular order, is a list of 12 Twitter Trends that made cribbing fun:

1) The Mayans: ruled the roost for the majority of the year. They had predicted Armageddon and every natural disaster got linked to

Fuck you all! You will all die before 2013!

Fuck you all! You will all die before 2013!

it. Why the Mayans decided to end their calendar at 2012 remains shrouded in mystery. But the probable explanation can be that they had no money to pay to their calendar guy after the Spanish took all of their gold. So most probably he flipped them a double bird and screwed with their heads by predicting doomsday. And the funniest part was that devout followers of monotheist religions were shitting their pants, thinking about the impending doom that some “pagan” religion had forecasted.

2) Obama won the US presidential elections second time in a row. And people all over India on social networking sites had a collective orgasm. Never had so many of us taken so much interest in a political contest. If only half knew the name of the MLA or MP of their area, but then that would be asking too much.

3) The Time magazine gave our Prime Minister the honorary title of Underachiever. And he protested against it by keeping mum. The media though went all guns a-blazing in his defence, specifically the Outlook who about 10 days later came up with an original idea and tagged President Obama as an “Underachiever” in their cover page. This was akin to someone responding to a “Fuck Off” with a “Fuck you too”, about 15 minutes late, after everyone had left the room.



Even he can't understand himself

Even he can’t understand himself

4) Pranab Mukherjee became the 13th Rubber Stamp of the Republic of India. He replaced Pritabha Tai who had had an enjoyable stay there. After much hullabaloo and general chaos (a normal working day at the parliament) Mr Mukherjee was elected President. And now while we used to listen to him once a year, now he will be addressing the nation twice. Yes, he will speak in English. The Horror! So, for the next 5 years, India will have a President, whose speeches in English will be broadcasted with English subtitles. Another important event that occurred around the same time was the adjournment of Rajya Sabha due to some strange smell. It is either that our Parliamentarians have raised so much stink that even they are beginning to find it repulsive…..or they need to cut down on the mooli paranthas at the café.

5) Speaking of Bongs, Mamata Di made sure her presence was felt. From uttering words that made no sense to utter nonsense – she said it all. Her unique ability to sense the colour red has now led to the creation of a new scale that measures a person’s sensitivity to the colour on the scale of a “Spanish Bull” to “Mamata Di”. Along with her cadre of “Yes Men”, Mamata Di brought a wave of poriborton throughout the state. She even got 7000 words in Bangla officially change to poriborton….including rape, after the infamous Park Street case. Also in her leadership Kolkata Knight Riders won the IPL. And seriously, no one gave a shit.

6) We had the Olympics this year. And this time it was UK and specifically London that got the honours to showcase its rich culture and heritage. Due to some strange reason, that culture was limited to James Bond and a sky-diving Queen (not the band). As always, India participated in the competition. And as always the Indian delegation had a sports personality to officials ratio of 1:10, with Miss Madhura being the icing on the cake. India did manage to win 6 medals, which were 6 more than expected.   But losing while logged in on twitter is fucking fun. We ended up thinking about how India would breeze through these competitions only if they would include events such as shitting on railway tracks, procrastinating, boarding a DTC and road rage to name a few.

7) Sherlyn Chopra’s candid confession ensured that she got more than her fair share of the limelight. Whereas Poonam Pandey only

Because Sex Sells

Because Sex Sells

made fake promises, Miss Chopra pranced around in her birthday suit at the Playboy mention. She claimed she had sex for money, her rather revealing photo-shoot which included a cucumber, made sure that the prices of the vegetable sky rocketed.

And he became the brand ambassador for a local hakeem store.

And he became the brand ambassador for a local hakeem store.

8) Talking about sexcapades, how could we leave ND Tiwari, our original Vicky Donor. “Saala main to baap ban gaya” was his theme song for the year as he became a dad at the ripe age of 87. Mr. Tiwari became the father of a healthy 32 year old boy. The good news is that he won’t have to change his son’s diapers. We can’t say the same for his son though.

9) Satyamev Jayate ensured that everyone had something to crib about on Sundays. And Monday felt relieved.  While Aamir Khan tried to shed light on various issues plaguing the country, people tweeted through the show. Some loved him, most on my time line hated him. What did I do? I sat down with a packet of popcorns and enjoyed watching the two sides bicker. But for a few Sundays the nation rose, talked about a problem that were ailing it, hash-tagged them and then trended it on twitter

10) If you can’t beat them, join them – seems to be the motto of our police force. And Dhoble further proved it by adding “Moral Policing” to his list of duties. He raided pubs/bars and forced people out of them.  But really, it was all blown up by the media. He just went there to inform the diners of a better place in the same area. But some members of the moral brigade were caught watching porn on their mobiles while the assembly/parliament was in session. Not to be left behind, the Khap panchayats made many important observations. And their research that linked Rapes to chow-mien, might just win them the Noble Prize in Chemistry and Biology this year. In other news, Kareena made Saif eat two plates of chicken chow-mien before the wedding.

11) The Planning Commission was in the news for all the wrong reasons. They started by first lowering the poverty line to Rs 35 and then they took a dump on the tax-payer’s heads by renovated two toilets for Rs 35 lakhs. Clearly, they have a fetish for the number 35. But Rs 35 lakhs! Apparently, you need to eat Almas Caviar or Italian White Alba Truffle a day before, to be allowed to shit in these expensive beauties. Sigh…now even toilets have a creamy layer and a non-creamy layer.

12) The Foot in Mouth disease has plagued India since long and 2012 was nothing different. I am not going to name or point out towards anyone because e that would add another 25000 words to the article. Different politicians, actors, religious leaders, social activists etc. made different remarks in public and then had to eat their own words. Though such events prove that the IQ level of the country is on a decline, they give people on social networking sites something to joke about and bloggers something to write about. Because……human stupidity is a gold mine for jokes. And to make matters worse, the Power Grids tripped…not once but twice. Bringing us back to the dark ages.

And thus we now come to the end of this list. It is an incomplete list but I only had to add 12 points, and hence I shall now conclude. Hopefully this year we will have similar fun but less of Slacktivism and more of actual change. Here is wishing everyone an Interesting 2013 and may no one arrest you for speaking your mind. I won’t say “Good” because I can’t predict the future. So yup, let it be interesting. Th …tha….. tha….. tha…. that is all folks!

6 Responses to “Twitter Highlights of 2012”
  1. Sapna says:

    Nice list! Now come up with some predictions for 2013 and they don’t necessarily have to be good. Not in an Indian context atleast although the whole world is pretty much in the same dump.

  2. Ruchira says:

    Well happy new year to you too :p
    I suppose 2013 wont be much different for our country .. lets wait and see what else the trends on twitter this year !

  3. metherebel says:

    Interesting list…I loved the idea of having Pranab mukherjee’s English speeches having English subtitles.

    //Here is wishing everyone an Interesting 2012 …Did you mean 2013?

    Wish you a “Good” year ahead. I shall wish you good since I am an optimist 🙂

  4. reekycoleslaw says:

    My first visit to your delightful blog…I am bummed that I didn’t discover it sooner!
    Reading your list I’d say it has been quite an entertaining year, isn’t it? How we even manage to run this country is an eternal mystery!
    Do visit my blog sometime…I feel you might like what you read there!

  5. purbaray says:

    Like every year we fell for it – the scams, the charade and tried to atone for it with outrage.

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