A Tale of Multiple Political Parties – The Indian Elections of 2014


It was the best of times, it was the worst of time! – everyone was winning, everyone was losing 

The 2014 Lok Sabha Election, or for the people of Bombay and Bangalore the most epic reality show in the history of reality shows (I am pretty sure they were trying to send votes via SMS). The world is marveling at the fact that these were the largest elections ever. Which becomes a moot point when you realise that it is our population problem that we have been thumping our 56 inch chest proudly for.

I digress. But I am also a bit sad that the UPA lost. The Congress and friends was a gold mine for one liners that made many twitter celebs and launched a thousand parody handles. Try emulating that with Modi at helm.

A gang-rape in a Delhi bus, caused the people to rise en mass. The people rose against the step motherly treatment meted out by the authorities. They stepped forward for a change. Their voice drowned the roar of water canons. The result of the elections echoed that anger.

It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness! – the age of accusations, the age of vitriols, of sycophancy and of dysphemism

Every word the Clown Prince uttered, each speech he made was subject to mockery and derision. The Prime Minister was a mute spectator to the debacle that was the Indian National Congress. Though there were many eyeing the throne of Delhi, it was Kejriwal, the King of Histrionics who captured media attention. 

There was a method to his madness, and that method was based on the idea that his party wanted to attract as much attention as possible. I am not deriding the idea behind starting a party. I just don’t understand the rationality behind tantrum politics. Talking of tantrums, the CM of Bengal wasn’t far behind. Closely followed by the colossal Amma of Tamil Nadu.

The henchmen of the now ruling party too joined the club. With fanatics on that side indulging in chest thumping and threatening anyone who opposed them with a one way ticket to Lahore. 

It was the epoch of belief, It was the epoch of incredulity! – the glass was half full of air, the glass was half full of water

And then there were Azam Khan and Mulayam Singh Yadav – The enfant terribles of Indian politics. These two hold a Guinness record for being able to defecate from their oral cavity. They made statements that transcended the realm of foolishness. The continuous contact with buffaloes has left a lasting impression on their mental capabilities.

People were also shocked to learn that Rakhi Sawant managed to get 15 votes. When told that the actual figure was a 4 digit number, most of them did a very good impression of the ex PM. 

Digvijay Singh and ND Tiwari believed in Yuva Josh. They walked the talk. Priyanka Gandhi walked over a mound of bricks. But the sycophants were not ready to believe they had suffered defeat. Their Clown prince smiled, for reasons he knew best.

Various leaders of the opposition compared Modi to Hitler. The Left was left out of the race, the cycle was punctured and the elephant fell flat on its face. The goose steps echoed through the halls of the parliament 

It was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness! – it was the season of derision, it was the season to extol

Abuses were hurled, names were called. The spotlight was on three candidates. BJP claimed that Gujarat was shining. Others said most villages were still in darkness.

In between all this, Kamal R Khan announced to the world that he was leaving the country. And everyone bade him good riddance. Many claimed that good days were here. The old RSS cronies could now wear comically wide shorts without worrying about the scathing gaze of the fashion police. Maybe rapes would reduce too, as the design of the aforementioned shorts ensures that the nether region remains cool even is scalding heat. 

It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair! – it was the summer of monologues, it was the fall of fiefdom

These were the most important elections for the fact that a sleeping country awoke. People realised that sops do not last for long and neither are they living in a monarchy. And finally we have a government that is stable. A government that will be accountable and cannot pass blame on to coalition partners. 

A Yadav family realised that UP is not their personal fiefdom and a certain family understood the meaning of democracy. Democracy is the government that people choose and not a Sicilian mafia house.

Hopefully things will change. The parliament won’t be stalled because a few parties want things differently. I differ from the “intellectual” crowd here. They have been claiming that a single party with majority seats is bad for democracy as others won’t have a say. Nothing happened when there wasn’t a single party in majority, since half the time was lost in debates. But then I am not an intellectual. After all they know best what the population wants. 

We had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way –

Only time will tell whether the choice people made was right or wrong. 

I would practice my Dandia moves, but I am too busy planning my new venture – an eatery that serves Gujarati Italian fusion food. 

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Comments
6 Responses to “A Tale of Multiple Political Parties – The Indian Elections of 2014”
  1. C. Suresh says:

    Hahaha! YOU will end up amalgamating the Congress and the BJP 🙂 *shudder*

  2. Purba says:

    The credit for BJPs thumping majority goes to the Clown Prince. And now we are waiting for the change we had voted for.

    That was a well written summary of the madness called the Indian General Elections. Enjoyed reading it.

  3. Rajlakshmi says:

    woaaa that’s a lot of drama you captured here 🙂 but then our country is never bereft of any.

  4. reekycoleslaw says:

    This was bloody brilliant! Scathing, funny, unapologetic.
    No need to open that eatery, you just write pieces like this more often instead!

  5. alkagurha says:

    Write more often Prateek.

  6. Indrani Ray says:

    complicated picture, succinctly put 🙂 apologies for taking forever…

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