The Valentine’s Day Post


It is that time of the year again. When red rules supreme…..errr….not communism. And also it is time for my yearly post on the day designated to love *insert a valentine’s day + 9 months = children’s day reference here*.

I am seriously confused this time. Valentine’s Day is a day when you are supposed to buy presents for your love….or that is what most of the companies want us to believe. Personally I am always confused on what gifts one should buy. The last time I ended up gifting the other person a scaled model of a 16th century torture equipment and an ant farm. Those are awesome stuff….who wouldn’t want them? But besides McDonald’s, who are offering special candle light meals for couples, no one seems interested. I mean, one of the Thackreys would rather destroy toll booths than Archie’s teddy bears. I always thought that after card companies, the right winged parties were the second biggest fans of this day. Talking of McDonald’s, that is something quite interesting. I have the romance skills of a rabid dog, but even I would think a hundred times before taking a girl out for a McAloo Tikki valentine’s day date. What were they offering…condoms in Happy Meals?

Yash Raj released Gunday, which is a very different story of two refugees from Bangladesh who become the top goons of Calcutta by spending 4/5th of the movie singing love numbers with one girl. It seems, Yash Raj films has shifted from “lovers singing and dancing in sarson ke khet” to “lovers singing and dancing in….in paddy fields…I don’t know”.

Movies have ruined love for most. There is an online group that seeks a ban on pornography claiming that it is having a detrimental effect on the way people view love. But I say it is the commercial movies. The type of characters played onscreen puts a huge pressure on the poor guys. People are doing choreographed dance numbers at weddings because that is what happens in a Karan Johar flick. I am pretty sure we will have traffic police cops performing Rohit Shetty-isque stunts next.

Well........he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

Well……..that driver was not wearing a seat belt.

The other day, I was listening to the car radio when someone requested the RJ to play “Ishq Waala Love”. The lyrics make as much sense as ordering murge waala chicken at the roadside dhaba near you or going to a Woodland store and asking for a pair of joote waale shoes.

Valentine’s Day is a day I realize that I am probably the lone single surrounded by couples. It is the day when Facebook drowns in happy couple posts and pics. My feed wall was nothing different. Maybe there was an online contest asking people to prove they are the best couple for a 50% discount coupon at Bittu Tikki Wala. And tagging your significant other on a poster of love quotes is apparently the contemporary version of “Bittu lavs Munni” carved on a banyan tree trunk.

With the elections coming soon, the politicians are busy wooing the general public. While Kejriwal celebrated Propose Day by wavering the electricity bills of all those who volunteered to sit through an hour of Kumar Vishwas’s poetry session, the BJP found new love in tea stalls. The Delhi CM’s love affair didn’t last long though and he left in a huff and a puff of chilli powder.

Azam Khan, meanwhile spent quality time with his buxom and horny babes. He reportedly splurged a lot this year and even got special heart shaped cud cakes made for them. I hope this Valentine’s Day the buffaloes will acknowledge his love. Speaking of love, earlier this year, a man shot a friendly neighbourhood cock (a male hen if you are giggling) for making amorous advances at his prized hen. What a cock block! The khaps nod in agreement though. Rahul Gandhi talked about empowering the hens and buffaloes of the country and outraged that no one is asking these important questions. He was later told that the answer to all the important questions is 42….no matter what the question is.

Anyway, this year I too tried my luck. Hey…times change, people change. And I did not make any PDA posts, so you can thank me later. But I did go to a saloon, got a haircut……and gathered the courage to ask someone out. 

Something like this

Something like this

Anyway, it didn’t work out but I learnt a few things. Some of the learning which might help me next year are –

a) don’t shave
b) try to ignore the fact that she just made a Big Boss reference that you did not get 
c) try to ignore the fact that she made a Big Boss reference 
d) seriously let it go…it is not that big a deal 
e) it is only a show
f) you can try to watch it too maybe you will like it 
g) …………
     ……….
     ……….

Yeah……I don’t think this is meant for me……so next year

Screw your hearts and flowers

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Comments
4 Responses to “The Valentine’s Day Post”
  1. afshan18 says:

    ishq waala love is outrageously riddiculus !
    I hope u saw the All India Bakchod mockery on the song 🙂
    anyway good post ! enjoyed

  2. Rachna says:

    hahaha Prateek! Crazy all the hullaballoo. Well, I wrote a post too debunking relationship tips. I agree with you about movies and you forgot, books! They make life miserable for most boys by setting the bar on the moon. Secretly every girl starts wishing for 40K dinner dates and expensive jewelry. Personally, I stay away from all consumerism. It is rather silly. And that Big Boss thing disturbs me as well. Who watches that stuff and why?

  3. Mimmy Jain says:

    1. On Ishq wala love, seriously, we had a firang friend who, on a visit to India, ordered Chicken murgh (the ‘u’ pronounced as in ‘fur’). It was all we could do to keep our faces straight. The waiter didn’t know what had hit him.
    2. I would have loved a present of a medieval torture item. It’s a different matter that I might be tempted to try it out immediately.
    3. I watch Bigg Boss. So?

  4. purbaray says:

    But that’s exactly why people fall in love – to lose sense and sensibility. To call each other Janoo, Sweetu, Monu in full public view. Serenade her with teddies, heart shaped chocolates and over priced roses. And is there a better occasion than Valentine’s to muster courage to propose to your crush! So what, if she turned you down.

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