Sunday Driver Syndrome

Posted by snowleopard on April 14, 2011 · 23 Comments 

Yes, such are the roads of Delhi. Image via Wikipedia

I hate many things. Well…almost everything….but some things I hate more than others. And one of them is being forced to drive on a Sunday. Yes, the Delhi roads are spacious and large. And yes, despite the Scams and the Kalmadis and Dixits, the CWG did one good thing, and that is the Delhi roads were improved. And No, it is not the “One Rain and the Potholes Return” improvement. They will last at least one complete monsoon season…..fingers crossed.

So, why would I hate driving you would ask. For the simple thing…..”The Sunday Driver Syndrome” Long time ago an article in Reader’s Digest had come that claimed that traffic an a Sunday is at its worse. True, yes it is.

Everyone who is someone and who knows his clutch and accelerator, is usually out on a Sunday. Sunday means a day to have fun, wind up and take the family out day. And it is also the day when the four wheeled, iron horse driven chariot, that had been standing for a whole week. The one with the number plate slightly visible through the layer of mud, and which now had some unique designs embedded on it…..usually Chunnu Munnu and sometimes Sweetu luvs Sweetie in the shape of the heart (if you are one of those who believe in the myth that it was the shape of heart when it first became the symbol of love), carved oh so gently, with fingers, over the dust settled on the wind shields.

Image: frontsection.com

So, anyway, the car is dusted, around a dozen people are packed in it and the ignition is turned. It coughs after a long slumber. Releases some black smoke stuck in its lungs. And then after hitting the snooze button a few times, it finally gets up….roaring to take on the roads.

And then begins the journey. The Sunday Driver, due to the lack of practice, is vaguely aware of the things know as “Traffic Rules” Not that the others are aware of it. He is a bit more unaware.

So that leads to some mishaps, some weaving through the lanes and some remembering the Mothers and Sisters.

So anyway, to cut a long story shot, you will find the Sunday Driver doing one or more of the following things:

• Honk, Honk and honk a lot. People say lead foot, these guys have a lead hand. I faced one last Sunday. The traffic light was red, there were 10 cars in front of me and this guy behind me kept honking. And had the looks of a person whose bowels are moving but the Water Closets are all occupied and he is all pants down and no where to go.
• Weave through traffic. Due to some strange reason, they feel that they are driving a scooter. Though the 2-wheeled guys are also putting their lives in danger by doing the weaving and non helmet wearing. But we are talking of the Sunday Driver. So, the Sunday ones weave. They weave through traffic like a person weaving through traffic. No, not like the Matrix scene, that would be a bit of exaggeration.
• They keep changing lanes without prior warning. Should have been included with weaving above, but the last point was becoming too long
• Drive too slow. Yes, they drive, too slow and in the middle of the road. Its like being stuck behind a tempo, but without the noise. There are different theories. Either they are trying to squeeze maximum driving pleasure out of one day or they forgot that the car has other gears or they are just confused and lost because of a new flyover that just came up in a week.
• Forget that a car has indicators
• Confuse with the traffic lights. They usually stop at green and go at red. My own theory is that they spend 6 days of the week watching bull fight telecast from Spain. And now think that ‘Red’ means charge. And they do, with the accelerator screaming 5000+ rpm.
• Forget that we are a right hand drive country. And left turn is free. Blame Hollywood for that.
• Have this mentality “I have a vehicle, I have the way and the road” Errr…no, you don’t. The traffic coming straight has the way. The turning ones have to wait their turn. And Yes, we do have to leave space for people who want to go left.
• Any other stupidity you can think of.

And there is the problem of the short fuse. Recently, actually a few hours ago, I witnessed a live fight, which I invariably reported on twitter. Here is the tweet by tweet report.

Delhi has a particularly short fuse and on road it seems to be lit perpetually. So somehow:

Two cars touched. It is an open for all fist fight on the street.

Maa**** & bhen**** are the only words being spoken

Just heard “maar dal saale ko”

Hockey sticks and baseball bats are out. Wish you were here

A glorious moment in the history of human language. New abuses being created.

One is a Baniya definitely(no hard feelings) Only thing he is saying “Bhen**** maar dunga” and then retreating two steps

Ok getting boring now. Nothing great happening. No revolvers. Everyone is alive. Just a few broken noses……………………….

Filed under Humour · Tagged with Delhi, Right- and left-hand traffic, Road, Traffic, Traffic light